what i really want to say

I say I love you, I say I need you
I try so many ways to say how my heart beats for you
I say I'm always thinking about you
There's no way I'd want to face this life without you
And even though these words come from deep inside me
There's so much more I don't have the words to say

Because what I really want to say
Is what the sun would say to the sky
For giving it a place to come alive
But my words get in the way
Of what i really want to say

I know that sometimes my words can be as hard as stone
And sometimes my words have left you feeling so alone
So please forgive me and hear the words I'm saying now
I will spend my whole life looking for a way somehow
To let you know just how precious you are to me
I'll use the best words I know but I still won't say it all

It's like a tale too great to be told
It's something that my heart can only show
I'm gonna take my whole life
Just to let you know
What I really want to say to you

santa's little helper

im glad that you're glad.
i guess theres no need for me anymore.
everyones off with their lives.
everyones happy.
everyones being drowned.
this is the last you'll hear.

have yourself a merry little christmas

its christmas time again. and it appears to me that im all alone and by myself. with a broken heart to mend. with sorrow to get by. with no car. with no way out of my own depression. people around me have so much to be thankful for. and i know i should be as well. i have great friends. i have great people. i have a lovely mother. great brothers. great father. its not that im not thankful for all these things, but everythings overshadowed by anguish and regret. this is something ive thought and came up with: christmas is a time for giving. the word forgiving contains the word giving. forgiveness is something i ask for at a time like this and something i can give at a time like this. so wont you embrace the spirit of christmas and give...give forgiveness.

...

好不容易 又能再多爱一天

但故事的最后你好像还是说了拜拜

開不了口

才離開沒多久就開始 擔心今天的妳過得好不好

整個畫面是妳 想妳想的睡不著

嘴嘟嘟那可愛的模樣 還有在妳身上香香的味道

我的快樂是妳 想妳想的都會笑

沒有妳在我有多難熬

沒有妳煩我有多煩惱

妳對我有多重要 我後悔沒讓妳知道

i give up

i give up. i give up on life. i give up on me. i give up on my dreams. i give up.

black balloon

a dozen other boys could never reach you.
how could i have been the one?
i saw the world spin beneath you,
and scattered like ice from the spoon.

coming down the world turned over.
angels fall without you there.
and i go on, as you get colder.
you are my prayer.

and theres no time left for losing.
when you stand they fall.

leaving

you and i cold febuary nights.
its been half an hour.
taking sweet time saying our goodbyes.
one minute more.

the best day of my life.
is all thanks to you.
precious rememberance saved for rainy days.

few scenes from my life where moments mean more to me,
than our fine nights.
i remember like yesterday, the time of my life.

please dont leave me. please dont leave me. without saying good bye.
lets travel back in time

absolutely unbearable

watched ED today. he asked this question to a young couple getting married:
"is the thought of being without each other absolutely unbearable?"

and i thought about it.

and yes. the thought of being without dianna is ABSOLUTELY unbearable.

my heart is bleeding

pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain pain.
its all i feel.
agony agony agony agony agony agony agony agony agony agony.
its all i have.
regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret regret.
is all i can do for having noble intentions.

so sick of myself

i havent stopped crying.
i havent stopped throwing up because im feeling so sick.
i havent stopped aching inside for not being decisive.
im hurting so much because having the most noble of intentions and not wanting to hurt a person has landed me in hell.
i have never so openly wept in front of my friends.
i have never felt so numb.
i feel so sick.
so sick of myself.

my chronicle

oceans eleven:
brad pitt asked george clooney whether tess(julia roberts) was worth the effort. george said yes.

oceans twelve:
george clooney asked brad pitt if cathorine zeta jones was worth it. brad said "was tess worth it?"

my life:
alex asked me whether dianna was worth it. i said "she's worth more than anything and everything that i've ever known, i would give up everything i have and everything i would ever have in the future for a chance to make things right again."

here is gone

2 months. 2 agonizing long months seperated from the thing that ive ached and craved to have. drowning in the sound of my own polution and being in tears more often than not. but then the curtain was drawn. light filled into the empty room. sunrays hit every possible corner of the room. it filled up with radiant glows. being a part of the room, being a part of the impossible dream, being a part of the wish, you've come back to me. you became the sun when you agreed. you lit up this dark room. you lit up my life. and i can smile, because somehow...here is gone.

cheers to us fools that have no meaning

gratefully. 08122004 did not turn out to be the biggest disaster. i had the best time. the greatest friends and the most awesome collection of presents. im so thankful to all the friends that showed up. had to play host to everyone and didnt really have too much time for anyone. but im glad that everyone came. when i was cutting my cake(p.s. thanks to the people that chipped in, i really didnt expect a cake) and everyone was standing around me, i glimpsed around that room at all the faces that were around me. all the faces that showed up. i love everyone of you. life would never be the same without every single one of you.

alex for being the most wonderful heng dai, i wouldnt know where i would be now without u man, ur the best!!
lydia for being the best kai mui, even though she had her finals the next day still showed up early to help.
beatrice ever helpful.
adeline, for being ever so sweet and the most supportive person in my life. no one could ever replace your beauty and your level of perfection *muaks*
sue may for being the most important person in my heng dai's life, you mean the world to him. dont be jealous of me lar.
jon and bran for the wonderful music we made.
aaron for being the best yum char buddy.
robin for being so yeng and for being an inspiration.
mark, najila and xi xian for even making the time to be at my place.
diana and zoe for being VERY VERY good friends, thx for the hugs!
amy for being a wonderful person, putting up with my nonsense and crowning me your em lai, truly a pleasure.
jessica for always being mean! *bleah*
suit yeng the 1st person to ever coax me into a club and for calling me boy.
ching for being the BESTEST movie buddy.
gary and michael for being idiots and for the beer shower.
grace for being a great loyal friend.
yoong for the late nights out, and i mean really late nights.
praba for being a great buddy (thx for all the ciggies).
aimun for the futsal.
last but never least...
dianna for being the light of my life. for being an inspiration. for being the smile that never fades. for being everything that i could ever wish for. for having loved me and for having me love you in return. 06092004 will ever be engraved. and will live forever as the best day of my life.

CHEERS TO ALL THE FOOLS! To anyone I missed out, forgive my hangover.

miss you love

millionares say,
i got a big shot deal and thrown it all away
when i threw away all we had.
but im not too sure how im supposed to feel or what im supposed to say
im not too sure how to handle each day
and i miss you love